By the Grave side
by Still-RIP-Speed
Summary: A series of short fics on various characters visits to Tim Speedles grave-their thoughts and emotions etc. Set at various points/date. PLEASE let me know want you think- I want to get better... hope you like it. Thanks :
1. Horatio part 1

**By the Grave side**

This series came out of my own poundering...please let me know what you think-should I continue with other characters etc.

I don't own any of the CSI miami stuff, characters etc-gutted!!

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_This first one is H...set directly after the cameras stop rolling for 'Bang Bang Your Debt'..._

He watched his young colleague walk away-he knew he was dejected-and who could blame him-believing that your best friend was somehow no longer dead and there-alive in front of his face

When he was sure Eric was gone, he crouched down so that the tombstone was at eye level. He took time to look around again and the dropped his head and let a long laboured sigh. He began to slowly shake his head,

"Oh Speed" Hortio slowly drew and let out another long breath. His mind ran over the years that had gone by since that day. He closed his eyes-but when he did that, he saw it again; the pool of blood, the helpless twitching and struggling of the young apprentice beneath him, the blood…Horatio forced his eyes open again. His breath was still laboured as he thought over everything that happened since that day…it seemed to be the start of everything, Marisol, Yelina, Raymond round 2, everything. Before, it was so simple, the team was together-focused-worked the cases, helped and supported one another-loved each other even, it was all so clear but it seemed that since that day-the momentum of this downward spiral began.

He lifted his head and looked directly at the engraving of that name-Timothy Speedle. What he said to Eric had been correct, he did see Tim everyday but not always as Eric did. He saw him in the sarcastic comment that now occasionally littered Eric's conversation and in Eric's increased interest to trace. He saw it in the attention to detail that Calleigh paid to her work. He saw him in the pain behind Alexx's eyes whenever a male gun shoot victim came in. He saw Speed in the spaces that now existed in each of their lives…He closed his eyes one more time and as he opened his eyes one last time, he looked straight at the name and barely even whispering,

"I don't blame you for all this, I don't blame you Speed. I blame myself"…


	2. Alexx

Second in the series...

See what you think. This time Alexx- and its a little longer. Its set just after the eppy where alexx leaves the lab. I've not actually seen the eppy but I've researched it but if I've got anything of the story wrong-I apologise!

I don't own anything-darn!! let me know again :)

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She approached the site with caution, she wasn't quite sure why but she felt it was necessary.

Reaching the spot and removing the sunglasses from her face, she let out a long sigh, seeing the site in front of her was still as real now as those 5 years ago when it first came into existence. The tombstone was clear in front of her, the inscription still present-Timothy Speedle. She didn't bother to read the rest, she knew what it said-after all, she helped chose it. She let out another long sigh,

"Oh Timmy."

She closed her eyes and began to shake her head and as she saw that face behind those closed lids the tears began to roll down her cheeks…

"oh baby" she counted to repeat almost silently as images of him and of the events of that fateful day flashed before the closed lids…

The final image flashed in front her closed eye lids-the one where she always forced her eyes open, holding the scalpel above his chest to make the first incisions...

As she forced her eyes open she saw the stone again and let out another sigh, it was still there, still real. She took a seat on the grass; she had been there quite a few times to say the least. She was concerned that there would be a lasting impression in the turf from the amount of time she spent sat there. She began she always did,

"Oh Timmy," She took a quick look around, sure she was used to talking to dead people but most people weren't…and they would've thought it was rather strange so she wanted to make she was alone. Knowing she was, she continued,

"Well I did it Timmy, I handed in my notice," a faint smile cross her face but she lowered her gaze to the ground -

"Effective immediately ".

Silence.

Alexx bite her lip and after what seemed like an eternity, she let out a the very faintest of laughs,

"I can hear what you're questioning through the silence Timmy, but you know better than anyone…"

She closed her eyes and swallowed hard, "I told you last time, this is the only place I can truly let go…I've had to be so strong and so together for everyone baby, when they killed you…"

She wiped the tears that had been falling to her cheeks. Opening her eyes again she looked at the stone,

"But I think we'd finally managed to pull through…you knew that-I told you last week…but then Monday came"

Her breathing became laboured as she began to sob. After several minutes of further tears, she nervously chuckled to herself again,

"You know-this is the first place I've been able to properly cry since it happened…I nearly lost him Timmy-I nearly lost my boy…."

She drowned into her sobs again. She swallowed her tears again after another 5 minutes and continued,

"No, not lost like you baby…the other side of the law. I always told you my worries about my babies…and you always told me what a fantastic mother I was, that I had nothing to worry about and I held onto that, but then this…" her voice trailed off, but she continued much more quietly, looking down at the ground, "it made me question everything…my time, my attention so I had to do it. After you went, I spent so much time being mum to the team-I neglect being a mother to my own kids, "

With a smile, she waved her hand towards the stone, "I know what you'd say, but I know I have"

She looked at the stone-and felt the tears welling in her eyes, "So I had to do it. It doesn't mean I don't care anymore or don't love them and I just, I have to do this now."

She cleared her throat and moved her head down to the ground, "it also means I'll not be around so much Timmy, I need to move on to, be with my family-on all levels, and I need to be with my immediate family now."

She smiled and looked up again, "This isn't the last time Timmy, but I just won't be around as much. I haven't or will ever forget you baby, I just need to do this now-live among the living, instead of giving and living it among the dead."

She got up, and brushed her suit down and looked at the grave, one more time-as the sun began to set over the top of the trees in the grave yard,

"Goodnight Timmy, I'll see you soon"


End file.
